Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Sunday, December 23, 2007
I left Noah's room with Jamie holding Noah to get something and came back to find a present on the change table. It said, "To Mommy From Noah". I had NO CLUE what it was. I opened it up to find this gorgeous little blue iPod Nano. SO CUTE.
What a tricky (but stinking amazing) husband I have.
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Cheese Stars. This is the fourth year I've made these and they are definitely a Christmas tradition and favourite. Especially with a glass of red wine!
Kris Kringle Cookies. Packed with white chocolate, cranberries and pecans, this new recipe is sure to be a favourite - as long as you've got a sweet tooth!
I'm missing a picture of the chewy ginger cookies. This is the second year I've made them and I love them. Perfectly round and crinkled and chewy...mmm....so Christmasey.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Here are the books I've put on reserve from my handy public library:
The Birth House by Ami McKay
Haroun and the Sea of Stories by Salman Rushdie
The Girlfriends Guide to Surviving the first year of Motherhood by Vicki Lovine
The Modern Mom's guide to Dad's by Hogan Hilling
I don't know how she does it by Allison Pearson
A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini
This is your brain on music by Daniel Levitin
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Is that what, "Your life is really going to change." REALLY means? Sleepless nights? Sleep deprivation? Endless crying? Heartbreak and frustration and confusion and doubt?
Parenting is by far the hardest thing I have ever done/been through and I'm feeling tired.
I love the little guy so much but dang it's hard. And I'm just hanging on here praying that it gets easier.
Sunday, December 16, 2007
I'm glad I got to explain to Noah (even though he didn't understand at all) the true meaning of Christmas because it was a good reminder for me. It was good to refocus on something that isn't going to be outdated, too small or broken in a year or two.
Monday, December 10, 2007
Well this is it. Our first Christmas picture as a family. I'm actually quite proud of it. I set up the camera on our tripod and hit the timer and ran to join Jamie and Noah. After about 5 or 6 shots we came out with this one. Not too shabby!
It's a bit surreal to look at this picture and think, "This is my family. My husband. My son. Our first Christmas together."
I guess this is the first of many more Strickland family Christmas pictures to come.
I'm not sure if you ever can be fully ready to begin your own family...but I think I'm as ready as I'll ever be.
Sunday, December 2, 2007
I used to make up songs and tape them on this little Fisher Price tape recorder we had that came with a microphone.
If I could open my mouth and sing and have it sound like anyone in the world I would have the voice of Mariah Carey. Today I was listening to "O Holy Night" and got shivers when she jumped like 3 octaves and hit the clearest note you've ever heard. It was beautiful. I still almost cry when I watch a musical or a soloist. My heart lurches and longs to be up on stage.
My sister and I would make up plays (I would actually write scripts) and recruit all the kids in our townhouse and we would perform them for our neighbours. (We would actually go up and down the hall way, knocking on doors and inviting people to come to the foyer and watch our stellar performances) Later on I would audition for major parts in every single church play we had. I did have quite a few major (and minor) roles and later on joined the drama team at our church.
The same thing happens to me (I almost cry and my heart lurches) when I see a play and someone is giving a monologue or a particularly intense scene.
But I doubt I will ever be a professional singer or actor.
And if I had to choose between the two I would definitely be a singer.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
So Jamie and I decided to get Scene It for each other for Christmas. It's a new version of the board game but for Xbox 360.
We opened it on Tuesday. :)
It's so much fun and comes with these fantastic little controllers with big buttons to buzz in and answer tons of fun movie-related questions.
Although Jamie won both times we played I WILL beat him some day. And then I will gloat. But just a little.
Here are the cookies I'd like to make:
1. My annual tradition of Cheese Stars. I made these the first year I got married and have made them every year since (this will be the fourth year I'll have made them!)! They're a favourite of everyone and especially delightful with a nice red wine.
2. Chewy Molasses Spice Cookies - this recipe I got off of Martha Stewart's website and it is a GOODER. I first made it last year and they were definitely one of my favourites.
3. Kris Kringle Cookies - I've never made these before but I found the recipe on Kraftcanada.com and they look good so I'm going to try them.
4. Thumbprint Cookies - your typical Christmasey cookie. Looks delish.
5. Chocolate Candy Cane Cookies - they are exactly what they sound like.
So that's it.
This will be interesting with a baby around now.
Monday, November 26, 2007
1. Dark Chocolate M&Ms. DELISH! And I can't stop eating them.
2. So You Think You Can Dance. I'm not sure why I can't stop watching this show. I could care less about American Idol or Canadian Idol or pretty much any other reality tv show. But this one...I eat it up. It's a gooder. (This is one of the routines I watched yesterday - the routine starts at 2:30.) It's a guilty pleasure - definitely. Jamie is baffled at this obsession of mine.
They go very well together.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Today we put up our tree and bought a few Christmas presents.
Friday I purchased 3 Christmas albums and am very excited about them:
1. Sarah McLachlan's Wintersong - mellow and including several "true" Christmas songs
2. Christmas Remixed - a great album of oldies that have been "re-grooved" to listen to straight up or have in the background. It's got the remixed song "I've got my love to keep me warm" by Kay Starr that I always hear in stores and wish I knew who it was by...now I do!
3. Dianna Krall's Christmas Songs - a GREAT jazzy album - and she's Canadian too!
(Jamie's comment to me when I told him I purchased these albums on iTunes was, "Oh no! I thought that now that you were home your purchases would be limited! I was so wrong." Oh the wonder of online shopping.)
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
These past (almost) 4 weeks have been hard. Good, amazing and I love Noah beyond what I ever thought I could...but it's been really really hard. On a few levels.
1. lack of sleep - although Noah's been doing really well with sleeping at night (usually a stretch of 4 hours and then maybe a 3 hour stretch and a 2 1/2 hour stretch and going back to sleep right away - usually) it's still been considerably less than I'm used to and that's taken a toll on me physically and emotionally.
2. being needed almost on a 24 hour basis is amazing but also ridiculously taxing. It's something I can't even explain how it's both so wonderful and yet so frustrating - especially at 3:30am.
3. the struggle with guilt in so many areas is quite perplexing. I feel guilty sometimes when I do this or don't do that and wonder "Should I be doing this? Should I not? Should I feel this way? Am I a bad mother for doing this? What kind of mother does that?" It's like an assault that I feel in a lot of tough(er) decisions I end up making or the feelings I have for certain things - like my love of sleep and desire for it can be quite strong that it turns into frustration.
Anyway, I just need to remind myself of a few things:
a) just go with the flow.
b) don't feel pressure to go or do things. If you want to stay at home all day because leaving is too stressful, feel free.
c) this too shall pass.
d) he will only be this little once. Now that's a sobering thought!
e) though this I am being refined and sanctified and my ugly selfishness is being revealed in new ways so that I might grow and be changed into someone more beautiful because I reflect the patient, loving character of Christ.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Monday, November 12, 2007
So for the past couple weeks I've woken up in the night thinking that I was either holding Noah in my arms or he was somewhere in the bed with us but I couldn't find him. This usually ended up in me patting around frantically looking for him and then fully waking up and realizing he was in his crib.
But 2 nights ago I grabbed Jamie and asked him "Where's the baby?" and he said "He's in the bed?" and then I freaked out and said "He's in the bed!?!?" and then I think I woke up and realized again that he wasn't in the bed and Jamie said to me, "Vaness, you really have to stop acting so crazy."
It's true. But I mentioned this to my sister who is in the army and she said that when you're in the field you're quite sleep deprived and often wake up clutching for your rifle thinking, "Where's my gun?"
Funny that motherhood can lead to baby paranoia while the army leads to gun paranoia.
Anyway, last night I didn't wake up until Noah cried and the first stretch was actually 4 hours I think - his longest ever. So we're making progress.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
One addicting game for Xbox 360 is Guitar Hero III. I think just about anyone would like this game. If you like music and you generally like computer games you'll like this game. The good thing about it is that you can put it on "easy" and work your way up.
This afternoon Dawn, Eric and Bryce came over and all of us (except for Bryce and Noah) indulged in this highly addictive game. We rocked out to songs by Weezer, The Rolling Stones, ZZ Top, The Killers and other "Rock Legends". It was a lot of fun and currently I hold the record for the most notes played correctly in a row - there's a name for it but right now I can't remember it.
Anyhoo...it was a ton of fun and I look forward to many more jam sessions with Jamie.
Friday, November 2, 2007
Now I find myself getting by day by day with a lot less sleep than I'm used to and I'm still coherent (for the most part) and surviving.
I left the house for the first time in 8 days. Probably the longest I've ever stayed in one place without venturing outside. But I definitely could have gone longer. It was great to get outside for sure, but at this point there are so many changes in my life that I'm still trying to adjust to - both in my own body both physically and emotionally as well as adjusting to this beautiful little newborn in my life.
Next week Jamie is going to a training retreat for 3 days. Originally I had planned to join him but today we decided that it would be too hard - mainly the nights. The nights are the hardest with Noah as he feeds at least every 2 hours. Sometimes he holds out for longer, but often it's a good 2ish hours. So I feel quite torn and sad because I will miss Jamie but I know that I will be 100% more comfortable in my own home where I don't have to worry about not only keeping Jamie up at night, but also anyone within range of Noah's crying. So that's tough. Probably the first of many more tough decisions I'll have to make because of Noah. It is worth it - I love this little boy more than I ever thought I could love someone...but that doesn't negate the hard times and sacrifices that being a mom requires.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
My iron is officially at 110! So I'm in home birth land now - hooray!
However for having "normal" levels of iron I am feeling absolutely EXHAUSTED today so I took a nap and am opting out of going to the event on campus tonight.
It'll be good to relax and get some rest.
Tomorrow I go into the midwifery clinic for a stretch and sweep so hopefully that will give me a kick start into labour!
It's a waiting game...
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
The baby's head still isn't fully engaged apparently and I have been feeling pretty normal.
Jamie and I got the carseat in last night and went to the fire station to get it checked. They said they don't officially do it, but one guy took a look at it and he said it looks tight and fine.
So we're good. :)
My bag is packed in case of a hospital visit and today I got my ebay purchase of my Zanzibar linens so we're all in waiting mode right now.
Come on baby!
Monday, October 22, 2007
I was hoping the baby would hold off arriving until after - and he did!
During the afternoon, Jamie and I went downtown to my favourite store, On the Verge, to check and see if they had gotten in their shipment of Espe wallets that I've been waiting for for about 2 months now (I'm not even kidding). In the meantime I've been looking at other wallets, but have decided to hold out and wait for the beautiful Espe wallets to arrive. I even asked them to phone me when they got their shipment in.
So we walked in and I didn't expect to see them there, but there they were, in all their cute leatheryness.
It was definitely worth the wait - so Jamie purchased me one for my birthday and I must say, it's my first "grown up" wallet ever so that's somewhat monumental for my 26th birthday and last birthday sans children.
Who knew a wallet could bring so much joy? (So I have a slight bent toward materialism...I admit it. It's true.)
That evening we went to Strom's Corn Maze - something Kirsten and I have been wanting to do for...a really long time. I can't remember how long exactly - but probably a year.
So that was fun - fun to have a photo opp, fun to check it off my list, and actually pretty fun to wander around these really tall stalks of dried out corn! :)
The baby also held off his arrival for a delicious dinner out at The Outback in Kitchener with some great friends.
So it was a great birthday. Oh and on Saturday I went out to The Fat Duck Gastropub with some friends (and family) from out of town and I have to give props to Shelly for recommending it. Seriously - this was the best meal I have had in a really, really long time. Everyone loved their food and the prices were good, and the food was extraordinary! I would recommend it to any and everyone.
So a good weekend was definitely had by this birthday girl. I am 26 and now eagerly anticipating the arrival of this child who finds it more comfortable to be all squished up inside of me than to come out and meet his parents!
Saturday, October 20, 2007
That would be swollen feet. Or the proper term: Edema. Boo to edema I say.
Over the past couple weeks my feet have swelled to gargantuan proportions. Even when I sleep at night they still are swollen in the morning - not nearly as much as at the end of a day, but still...swollen. Jamie and I call them "hobbit's feet". It's true. Well, minus the hair.
So far, that's been the worst pregnancy symptom I've experienced so I'm definitely counting my blessings.
Still, though, being on my first week of maternity leave and having all these things I want to do and get done it's hard when my feet are the size of small islands and I know I should be resting and putting them up. The only shoes I can wear right now are my crocs.
And I can't believe I'm doing this, but I guess for posterity's sake, here is a picture of them last week.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
I love looking at all the pretty things I could make or do or wear - the different home decor and design ideas that I could use if I wanted to - the new recipes I could try - the delightful articles that inform and inspire - the "new uses for old things" section that highlights exactly what it sounds like it does.
It's a great magazine and after my initial browse of the entire magazine I can now go back and scour the articles and products featured in November's (yep, I get it early) edition.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
I don't hate the doctor or the check up or even routine "icky" things - they're professionals, I just let them do what they need to do.
What I DO hate is waiting. Today for an appointment that took all of 6 minutes I waited for 55 minutes!!! FIFTY FIVE MINUTES PEOPLE. And apparently...this was her 2nd time slot of the day. What is she doing that she is late for her second appointment by 45 minutes? And the thing that really bugs me is that it's just a given that you should have to wait for this long. No apologies are given for making you wait for an extra 45 minutes. The doctor (as wonderful as she is) just waltzes in, does her thing and waltzes back out. If all her appointments were as short as mine then why is she so late?
I was reminded of Jerry Seinfeld's stand up routine about "The Waiting Room" from his "I'm telling you for the last time" show.
So I found it on You Tube and here it is (it's the first 2 minutes).
Iron saga update:
I did not get blood taken today as it's possibly too soon to tell if my iron levels have gone up so I'll get blood taken next Monday. However if I do go into labour before next Wednesday (that's approximately when they'll hear back about my iron levels from the lab) I asked my midwives and they said they would err or on the side of caution and I would be having a hospital birth.
So that's that. Even if they do get my iron results back after Wednesday and they still aren't up to 110 then I would have a hospital birth anyway.
So that wasn't exactly in the game plan but at this point I'm okay with it. Not what I wanted originally, but whatever has to happen has to happen I guess.
The baby also hasn't dropped yet so it could be a little bit still.
I guess we'll see. He'll come when he's ready.
Monday, October 15, 2007
Friday, October 12, 2007
As I got home from tonight's weekly meeting I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror taking out my contacts and I looked at myself (I was half blurry since I had only taken out one contact which made for a half serious, half funny moment) and thought to myself: "Self...it really doesn't feel like today was your last day, does it?"
It doesn't feel like I now have a year off campus and into motherhood.
Isn't it funny how when you think about the future and possible milestones you may reach that you imagine it will feel all epic and grand and that you'll FEEL different? But when you get there you feel the same way you've always felt. You feel just like you going through *insert milestone here*. Whatever it is. Turning 25, or 30, or graduating or getting engaged or married or having kids or getting your first real pay check or just.growing.up.
When I was a kid I always imagined that by 25 I'd have life figured out. That I'd know who I was. But I think that would make life boring. I don't think I imagined I would have life LESS figured out than when I did at age 8. But then again, life at 8 years old is far more simpler than life at 25. So in a way, I do have life figured out. An 8 year old's life, that is. I'm still figuring out life as I know it, though. And I'm okay with that. It's a good place to be.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
My iron results came back and I'm only up to 103. I was at 101 before I started taking the iron supplements so that was disappointing that it only boosted it by two. But now we figured out why. The iron supplements I was taking wasn't nearly enough so I'm frustrated that the salesperson gave me what he did instead of what I was supposed to be taking.
So now I'm on PalaFer (1 1/2 tsp a day) and Nutri-Chem Ferrotrate (2 pills a day). Hopefully this will boost my iron by the time this baby decides to show up or else I'm having a baby in the hospital.
I'm not stressed or worried, more disappointed and frustrated that I wasted two weeks taking iron supplements that barely affected my iron levels.
So that's that.
But on a positive note, I am GBS negative which means that when I go into labour - whether at home or at hospital - I don't have to get the antibiotics administered via IV. I was extremely pleased and relieved to find that out.
And tomorrow is my last day on campus before I go on maternity leave. I am both sad and excited and also hoping that this baby gives me a few days to get some work around this house done. There is still a bit of unpacking to do as well as organizing files and figuring out where things are and whatnot. It's livable...but ideally I'd like to have blinds up in the baby's room and curtains up in the living room, etc.
Other things to note:
My hips definitely feel looser. Sometimes I feel "uneven" when I walk and think that this is perhaps "the waddle"?
I am getting more and more excited to hold this little one in my arms, take tons of pictures of him and be a proud Mama. I look at pictures of my friend's child that she and her husband just adopted and am so excited to be able to join in the joy and excitement (and probably the lack of sleep and frustration at times) of raising a little human being.
I also can't imagine doing this on my own. One thing that is pretty much as exciting as looking forward to being a mom is going to be watching Jamie as a dad. I know he is going to be so good at it and such a natural. When other people's kids LOVE you, how can your own child not?
Monday, October 8, 2007
- hangers - can you buy smaller ones for kid/baby clothes?
- the "J" dresser (ahem) sanded and primed to put extra clothes, diapers, blankets, etc. in which will probably stay in the closet
- the proper sized brackets for the Ikea shelf I bought
- a small valance rod for the window
- blinds/curtains for the window
- a glider chair :)
- a toy box or hamper or net or some place to put toys
- a night stand and lamp to put beside the glider chair for late night feedings (this is probably more of a "want" than a need)
I think that's healthy. I'm not defined by my current state as a pregnant person (and one day as a Mom) - or at least, that's not the be all, end all of who I am. There are other facets to who Vanessa Strickland is and at least in my subconscious I am aware of that.
But I like dreaming. When I think back to those first few months of being pregnant and the vivid and strange dreams I had and how well I remember them I am sad that they didn't continue.
Oh well. I guess I'll have to wait until the next child comes along or I travel somewhere (I usually remember my dreams when I'm somewhere different) or whatever. :)
Sunday, October 7, 2007
Friday, October 5, 2007
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
We had our home visit from our midwives. Except only R, our intern showed up. No midwife. I really like R so that was okay. She said that C was sick at home today and that S was going to going a little bit late.
So that was fine. We went over lots of things like who will be at the labour, where we hope to labour/give birth (bedroom, bathroom, spare room, etc.) and her recommendations and thoughts concerning post delivery and who will be coming to visit/help and when. These are all things I've been thinking about a LOT and so we talked through some of the things I wasn't sure about (where I want to deliver, who will come to visit and when) and I let her know about the things we've already decided upon (who will be at the labour). So that was good.
I'm measuring the same as I did last week so that's fine, she said.
She took blood to check my iron levels again. Apparently if my iron levels do not get to 110 before I go into labour I am not allowed to do a home birth. I didn't know this! At least it wasn't made clear to me! So...I hope that my iron levels have gotten bumped up with the supplements I've been taking.
I also did a GBS swab test to check if I have a bacteria that is not harmful to adults and a high percentage of women have it at any given time anyway. However it can be harmful in a small percentage of babies (the bacteria is located in the nether regions and is passed on to baby during delivery) and can cause infant death in a very tiny percent of births. So if I do test positive I will have to go to the hospital and get a first dose of antibiotics during labour. The doses after that can be administered at home, but that initial dose occurs at the hospital. Which is annoying since I've planned for a home birth. So I'm hoping I test negative for that to avoid all of that. The test was optional, but I guess I figured it was better to know - at least for my first.
Then I met S when she showed up. She is nice and thorough so that was good. But then she explained to Jamie and I that one of our midwives (M) is on sick leave and the other midwife (C) is going on holidays (not sure for how long - hopefully only 1 or 2 weeks) and so as of right now I have no midwife. So the other midwives are taking over and juggling M & C's patients and if I go into labour before C gets back from holidays I will have midwives I've never really dealt with.
So I'm pretty disappointed about that since I've spent the last 7 months getting to know M & C. At least R (the intern) will be there. And the other midwives are nice, but I don't know them. I do trust them ... but it's just disappointing if that happens that if C isn't back (or unavailable) from holidays when I go into labour I will end up with our back up midwives (which could have happened anyway I suppose) or someone I don't even know?
Oh well. I guess it's for the best...just not what I anticipated.
So that was the home visit.
We've registered for a Baby Bjorn carrier at Babies R Us, but it's quite pricey ($199) and I don't anticipate that anyone will get it for us. So I decided to check out ebay to see what's on there and there are a TON of brand new Baby Bjorn's (just like the one I've registered for) that are like $90! So I'm pretty pumped and will probably buy one off of ebay if we don't get one.
So that's exciting.
I also found this website that carries clothing with funny sayings on them. There are a bunch of "onesies" with hilarious sayings like:
and my current favourite: I'm kind of a big deal.
I'm not sure if I'd fork out the $13-20 per onesie for them, but they certainly are fun to look at.
So yeah. I just spent the evening chatting on the phone with my lovely cousin and then surfing the internet looking at baby stuff, checking facebook and just chillin'.
So that's my update for now.
Monday, October 1, 2007
I did a mini photo shoot on the docks and it was a lot of fun. I don't think I realize how big I actually am until I see myself in pictures.
It was a good weekend and I'm glad nothing traumatic happened. Now all I want is for this baby to drop - he's cramping my style. And by style I mean...ribcage.
Friday, September 28, 2007
But I've talked it over with Baby Strickie and he agrees to stay put for the time being. So at least we're on the same page.
I'll let ya know on Monday!
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Between a lot of things - but a few things in particular;
- the desire to stay on campus and go hard and the knowledge that I DO need to take it easy and not go too physically hard (and my body's response to the physical activity is always a warning sign for me to slow down)
- the desire to stay in campus ministry (period) and the excitement and anticipation for what lies ahead as I will become a Mom in a very short while
This last one has been a struggle especially because I am seeing so much fruit even in this past month! 2 girls coming to know Christ personally, finally "getting it" (well, at least more than I have before) in terms of discipleship and the whole aspect of evangelism, understanding my schedule and what's a good use of my time and how to schedule it better. It's hard because I don't want to leave. It's humbling to remember that I myself am not necessarily "needed" by God, but that all He needs and wants is a vessel that is available. Perhaps I am more available now than I have ever been.
BUT...at the same time I am ridiculously excited at the prospect of having this baby and becoming a mom and being able to nurture him and experience the joys and challenges of raising a child. A little boy.
You know what's really weird for me to write? I'm going to write it right now. My son.
*insert freak out here*
ANYWAY...so I'm really enjoying my job/vocation (whatever you want to call it) but I'm also anticipating this next phase at the very same time.
So torn would be a good word for me to use.
Monday, September 24, 2007
I looked down at my feet this evening after getting home from grocery shopping and was shocked to see my right ankle looking grotesquely large. It was so hideous I sat down right away and propped my feet up - and I couldn't stop staring at it! It's still somewhat swollen, but I drank a lot of water (as recommended by Jenn) and kept my feet up until I had to go to the bathroom (or get a snack).
I think everything is coming on me all at once.
1. I'm hungry a lot now.
2. My ankles swell.
3. My temperature seems to be consistently warmer than Jamie's. For the entire summer people have been saying to me "Wow - this summer must have been a hot one for you!" but it's been honestly just as hot for me as anyone else. But NOW...Jamie always wants to close the windows or balcony door and I'd prefer to keep it open since I'm always a little warm.
Here I am...8 months pregnant and actually still loving it. Even the cankle.
Saturday, September 22, 2007
While the technician was showing me the baby, she kept saying "Nice cheeks." "Those are some great chubby cheeks."
She was talking about the face cheeks of the baby, but still...it was just kinda funny that she commented twice about his cheeks.
Oh well. I did say I wanted a chubby baby! :)
It was a good move and we ended up having a ton of help! (Thanks to Matt, Lucas, Nathan P, Kirsten, Jenn, our parents, Kevin, Keven, Nick, John, Ryan...I think that's it). It was great and got finished pretty quickly. We still have a fair bit to unpack and reorganize, but a lot of it got finished before 3 this afternoon.
I really like our new apartment and have enjoyed unpacking the baby stuff and look forward to when everything is unpacked and set up. I will take pictures when everything "looks nice" and then post them.
Right now I've got a great view of the sunset outside our balcony door. It's beautiful.
And so great to have a balcony.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Here are the deets:
- the baby is a good size, not too big or small for the predicted due date
- my placenta is in a good position - no longer covering the cervix
- it looks as though my cervix has shortened (which I looked up to mean that this happens in preparation for birth and if it happens too soon can mean that labour or premature labour is on its way) but she said not too worry as everything looks fine and we can still anticipate everything on schedule (as much as you can with pregnant I suppose)
And basically everything looks good.
That's good to know. I'm glad I didn't spend the last few months worrying about the possibility of a C-section due to Placenta Previa or whatnot.
And that's that.
I have had some Braxton Hicks contractions today I think but nothing major.
And I think I've gone to the bathroom at least 7 or 8 times so far today.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
I'm large and in charge.
Except I'm totally not in charge of this pregnancy. For the first time I feel somewhat uncomfortable. I walk slower and I think I'm starting to get a waddle. Walking for long distances really puts pressure on my lower abdomen as gravity and a growing child inside of me is taking its toll.
I'm going to the bathroom at least once a night...often twice.
Usually I can get comfortable when trying to fall asleep, but sometimes it's a bit harder to find that comfy position.
Stretch marks are starting to take up residence on my sides but they're just little right now.
Painting and physical labour is not conducive to being 8 months pregnant.
Still loving being pregnant (I'm not lying. Or trying to convince myself.) and most of the time I just feel like I will feel this way for the rest of my life.
On my walk from my car to the University Centre I was pondering that fact. That I feel like I'm going to be pregnant for forever. Or at least a long time. I think it's because often when things happen to your body (like you gain weight, etc.) you often stay that way for awhile. (Often, not always) but the change is so gradual that rarely does it produce an outcome - such as a new life that shifts from one stage (being pregnant) to another (not being pregnant and having a baby to take care of).
Anyway, I'm really tired right now so I'm not entirely sure if this makes sense.
But that's my post for today.
But I am pregnant. And I'm fairly certain lying down on my back would just make me feel uncomfortable.
After 2 evenings of painting we are DONE painting the spare room (aka Spare Oom) (colour: Spa Blue), the Baby's room (Golden Champagne), our bedroom (Manilla Tan) and the kitchen cabinet doors (good ole black).
Overall, I am pleased with the outcome.
I've learned that I'm not good with being patient in the interim. I like to have the final product - NOW. To see those walls with 1 coat of paint and the lack of paint in some areas, the imperfect cracks and uneven ceilings (some apartments just have uneven walls!) was frustrating for me. I fretted and worried (not too much, though) over whether it was worth it to paint if it was going to look so bad. But after a healthy second coat I'm pleased and content at the fact that we are done painting, but more pleased that after all that work (and money) it looks really good.
Now to get those doors back up on the cabinets.
A truism some might call it.
Friday, September 14, 2007
There is no one in this world that I love more than my husband Jamie. He's my most favourite person to be around and I can't ever say that I've been "sick" of spending time with him. And we do spend quite a bit of time together. Even compared to a lot of married couples I know.
Today while I was thinking about this baby coming into the world I vowed to myself that I will love and care for this child of ours with all that I know how to, but Jamie will always be my number 1 love. And I think our kids will actually appreciate that about our relationship. What kid wouldn't be thrilled to know that his parents are in love with each other, their relationship is steady and loving and that no one is leaving anyone?
I think kids are different than husbands or wives. You don't necessarily get to "choose" your kids. They are given to you with their set personalities and whatnot. Albeit some things are more nurture than nature, but they are who they are. But spouses...that's entirely different (unless you had an arranged marriage). Out of all the men in the world...I chose Jamie. Out of all the women in the world, he chose me. He wasn't obligated to marry me and he didn't get "stuck" with me because I was the only one left. When our kids grow up and leave to start their own lives, it will be just Jamie and I again. And I want to be just as thrilled about that as I am about spending time with just him right now.
I am my most comfortable when I am with him. I am the most "me" I ever am when I'm around him. He makes me laugh. I'm not embarrassed to cry around him. I can tell him anything and he'll never love me less but in fact loves me more and more with every day that passes. And it's amazing to have someone feel that way about you when that's exactly how you feel about them. It's pretty much the best thing in the world.
I was both curious and grossed out (preemptively) to see little heads coming out of vaginas. (On an entirely immature side note, I think I'm the only one in the entire class that giggles when she says "vagina" or "vaginas are very stretchy" or anything like that - I'm so immature.)
However, the video was not that bad and although it WAS extremely close up it was set to music (sounds delightful I'm sure) and so you didn't get to hear all the screaming/moaning/weird noises the women were making. So it looked almost surreal and peaceful - which is definitely something that you DON'T get to see on TLC.
Anyway so that was interesting.
I learned how much I don't know about the woman's anatomy - specifically with the baby inside. We were supposed to label a picture (kinda like in health or science class) and I had no idea that the arrow pointing to the uterus was the uterus. *shrug* Oh well. Now I know I guess.
I did get the mucous plug, though.
There sure are a lot of things to do with pregnancy and labour and birth that sound really disgusting.
I think my thoughts concerning birth after seeing that video are the following:
1. birth is gross - lots of fluid and blood and ickiness and that's just kinda gross - natural and normal...but still gross.
2. birth is amazing - it's still blowing my mind that a little human being just comes out of women and that's how this earth is populated. Watching that little head push forward and then the rest of the body practically shooting out is pretty incredible.
3. birth is hard and scary but the body is pretty astounding at coping and putting up with so much pain - I also learned that the woman pushing only contributes to 30% of pushing the baby out - it's actually your body/uterus that does most of the pushing to get that baby out. Absolutely amazing!
Anyway, so I'm both amazed and yet kinda grossed out in a normal way. I would say I'm more amazed than grossed out.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Yesterday I had a treatment done on my foot that was extremely painful. I cried because the pain was so excruciating. Then I hobbled around everywhere.
I finally gave in last night and took some Tylenol (I've tried to avoid drugs since being pregnant) and that helped a lot. I had to take it to fall asleep but being pregnant and having to make 3 bathroom trips in one night with one foot when you're half-blind doesn't make for the best night sleep.
Today I decided I shouldn't go on campus. The pain has subsided somewhat, but I still can't walk on it. This morning I accidentally kicked the heel of my foot with my other foot and the pain was unbearable. So I'm trying to limit moving around in my house.
I wondered if this is preparation for asking for help, admitting that I can't do things on my own (I like to be fairly self-sufficient) and taking time to stop and slow down. So today when I woke up and my foot was still swollen and sore I figured staying home today would be a wise thing even though I felt bad about bailing out of my appointments. I hate cancelling on people - it's really hard for me to do because I think that it reflects poorly on my character. I think that sometimes I just have to know what I can and can't do and stop trying to prove that I'm a soldier and can tough it out.
Besides, no one wants to watch an 8 month pregnant woman hobble around a university campus. Nor do I want to damage any other muscles from walking awkwardly due to my inability to use both my feet the way they were created to be used.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
To be honest, I'm not exactly happy about this. The supplement my midwife wants me to take is called - crap I forget already - anyway...so this iron supplement comes in liquid form and I have to take it 3 TIMES A DAY!!! I barely remember to take my prenatal vitamins, how can I remember this? And I have to take it with OJ and avoid dairy products and make sure not to have coffee or tea or anything with caffeine because it inhibits my body's ability to absorb the iron...yadda yadda yadda.
So I need to remember to go and buy that tomorrow before I completely forget all about it.
So we chatted away, she told me some stuff about some disease I can get tested for and then we did the usual - blood pressure, feeling the baby's position, measuring the growth and listening for the heartbeat.
But this time when she measured the growth of the baby (from top of the pubic bone to top of the baby - usually just under the rib cage) she was shocked at how much he had grown since the last appointment. So much so that she went off to find a second opinion. When she couldn't find my usual midwife she had to get another one (who was just as lovely and nice as my usual midwives) who measured and confirmed that I had indeed grown quite a bit in 2 weeks. She also said I have a nice belly. :)
So my last appointment I measured at 31.5 cm and this time I was 37 cm. Which apparently is a lot.
So as of right now I don't really know what this means.
a) had a huge growth spurt and probably won't grow by heaps from now until my next appointment
b) is being pushed up by the placenta causing him to - uh...I don't know exactly. But something to do with my placenta
c) will be a big baby (please no...8 lbs or less!)
d) could possibly be due earlier?
So...I have an ultrasound next week so they'll check that out and find out what the situation is.
Other than that, I think everything is same old, same old.
I can't wait until we move into our new place so I can get this baby's room all set up!
So originally we were supposed to move in this Saturday - September 15th. So we made plans for that.
Then our super calls and tells us we can't move in until the 18th.
Then we decide we'll paint on the 18th and move on the 19th.
Then we figure that moving mid-week is really inconvenient and ask our super if we can move in on a weekend.
She says it's now possible to move on the 15/16th but then changes her mind and so we finally decide on the 22nd. So we'll probably get in there before and do some painting but hold off on the moving until the 22nd.
So...the final move-in date is: Saturday, September 22nd.
I was sitting at the kitchen table typing away on my laptop when I heard splashing noises behind me. I turned around and noticed that the kitchen sink was full and over flowing. Like gushing over flowing.
I think I probably squealed for Jamie to come because our kitchen was flooding and then I ran to find the phone to call the super while Jamie held the plug in the bottom of the sink. On my way back to the kitchen I grabbed a towel (one of the few that are left out - I happened to pack up all our towels only just yesterday) and threw it on the ground. Water was now all over the floor and seeping into the living room carpet.
The super came over and in her adorable Newfie accent was saying "Oh my God. Oh my God."
The flow eventually stopped as Jamie was able to plug the sink (the water was coming UP from the drain) and we managed to mop up the floor and clear most things out of the way.
Currently the plumber is over and the super is back and I'm sitting with my foot up (currently I'm a bit of an invalid thanks to an extremely painful wart treatment on my foot) and writing about the incident while everyone else to clean up the mess.
So I'm about as useful as crumbs are at keeping mice away.
What a night.
Sunday, September 9, 2007
I was flicking through some channels and happened upon a show called Ransom Squad which is all about a squad in Sao Paolo, Brazil (the #1 kidnapping capital in the world) and how these people try and rescue kidnap victims.
I can't imagine living in constant fear of being kidnapped or held for ransom (not that anyone close to me has millions of dollars to give in random money) for money that my husband or family may or may not have.
To witness this squad driving through shanty towns and to see the absolute poverty these people live in is ... mind blowing. We have so much here. Peace of mind. Safety. Wealth. Education. Comfort. Freedom of religion. It's incredible.
Friday, September 7, 2007
1. I haven't received so many double takes in my life. Being back on the university campus I can almost see the confusion in all the first year's eyes. "Is she a student?" "Is she a first year? But she's pregnant..." "I'm confused."
I got asked if I was a first year at least twice and I couldn't help but let out a laugh at the absurdity of the question. Really? You really think someone would come to school when they only have a month and a bit left on campus? That seems ridiculous to me.
So that was interesting. But funny.
2. Jamie and I went to our first prenatal class. It was...pretty good. My favourite part of the first class was when we talked about the pain of labour and the instructor described the general idea of what contractions feel like (usually) so I feel like I have a better idea.
Jamie has officially left his mark as "the funny guy" I'm pretty sure. The instructor handed out a sheet titled, "Affirmations for Pregnancy and Labour". We were supposed to read through them and pick the one that suited us best and that we liked the best.
Jamie picked: My cervix opens easily like a flower to the sun.
So that got a few laughs.
I picked: My body knows how to birth our baby. Women have been birthing successfully for thousands of years.
And it's true.
Anyway, so I'm pretty tired from a really full week back on campus and am going to hit the hay so I can be somewhat rested for our busy day tomorrow in Toronto...baby shower #2.
Saturday, September 1, 2007
Not too much happened. We talked about breast feeding and braxton hicks contractions and then they took blood again to see if my iron had gone up at all (oh I sure hope so).
I asked them what a Braxton Hicks contraction felt like because a few people had asked me if I'd had them yet and I didn't know what they felt like.
Well, wouldn't you know it, last night I was at a bar to see my friend's brother play in a band and near the end my stomach got really tight and I started to feel crampy. Exactly how they had described it. It was uncomfortable and a tiny bit painful but everything was fine and it went away.
So that was weird...but ironic that the week I ask about it, I actually get one!
So that's my big news so far.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
School is starting up again next week so we'll see how I handle full days on campus. This will be interesting for sure. But I am looking forward to it.
I am also getting more excited for this baby to actually come. I'm not impatient or wishing the days would go by faster, but I am feeling a healthy amount of excitement. Before I think reality was kicking me hard in the butt and I was struggling more with a lot of different fears or concerns about how my life would change.
Anyhoo...another midwife appointment this week - we'll see what new and exciting with me by then.
Monday, August 27, 2007
Basically you see if you can answer timed questions about spelling, grammar, word origins and common everyday mistakes people make when it comes to words and language.
I was curious so I went to the website and found out that you can't take the actual test YET (although you can download it so when the show airs you can play along and see how smart you are) but you can click on a link on the right hand side that says: Mental Gym and do a series of 6 warm ups.
I did fairly well, but only got 100% on one out of six warm ups (the other 5 I got 70% once and 80% the other 4 times). They also don't tell you which answers you got wrong and what the correct answer was - which was hard for me to handle, but I think I'm over it.
Anyway, you too can test your word IQ at http://www.cbc.ca/testthenation and see how you do!
(Beth Fisher I'm curious to see how you do!)
Sunday, August 26, 2007
I need to preface this entry by saying a few things;
I am a laid back person. I'm up for just about anything and am generally easy going about most things. I am not (generally) anal about a lot of things and can handle a bit of dirt and chaos. Honestly I wasn't feeling like writing about anything else and had been meaning to write a few of these things down. Now seemed like a fairly appropriate time to do so.
So, here are a few things that annoy me (warning: if you feel convicted or like I am perhaps pointing the finger at you - I am not. I have no one in mind when I am writing this so please don't apologize. However, you could stop doing the annoying thing you are doing. :D)
1. When people post photo albums with pictures that aren't turned. Honestly, I probably won't even look at the picture. I'm not tipping my laptop just so I can get a proper view of your picture.
2. When people who post photo albums include multiple pictures that are of the same, or almost the same thing. I don't need to see 8 shots of the same pose of the same people. Pick the best one and forget the rest. Filter, people.
3. When people invite me to add applications on Facebook. I will ALWAYS ignore/reject the offer. ALWAYS.
4. Forwards. Even if it is a "good" one - if it says "Forward" in the subject (and isn't work related), it gets deleted. If I sense it's a forward but open it anyway and it IS a forward...delete - with a bit of extra vigour as I press that delete key. Please don't ever send me a forward. I hate them.
5. When people have their turn signal on and they have no intention of either turning or changing lanes. This is especially frustrating on the highway.
6. When people (driving) turn out in front of me when I'm going (probably) 70 and feel it is important to only speed up to 40 km/hour.
7. Bicyclists who ride side-by-side on the road and refuse to fall into line so I can pass them. This REALLY bothers me and has happened to me (and Jamie) twice taking the back roads to Toronto with "speed" bikers or "racers" or whatever they are. (You know the type with the tight clothes, speedy (aka expensive) bike and extremely stream-lined helmet.) I'm fairly certain this is illegal. After all, isn't each bike a vehicle on the road? Since when do cars drive side by side on a single lane road? Shouldn't bikers adhere to the same rules? Someone's asking for a back-tire nudge.
8. People who park badly. On the line, over the line, taking up two spots...it doesn't matter. The incompetency - and really, the inconsideration of people who don't park within the lines!
9. On a similar note, people who drive expensive cars and purposely take up TWO spots so that someone won't park up close to them and scratch their beloved vehicle. It's a car. Get over it. Or else buy a Honda Civic.
10. When people can't be bothered to type "you" and write "u" instead - this also goes for "2" instead of "to" or "too", "4" instead of "for", and especially "b4" instead of - you guessed it - "before". Generally the lazy web language people use that really drives me crazy. I've loosened up on punctuation and capitalization, but it's still better if people include periods and write "I" instead of "i". Check this (albeit hilarious) link out for a perfect example of lack of punctuation and capitalization. (Turn up your volume.)
11. When people in my building refuse to make eye contact with me and say hi. It's crazy how individualistic we are.
12. When people make racist comments and expect that anyone who hears them should agree.
13. Getting ketchup (or mustard) juice on a sandwich because I forgot to shake the bottle.
14. When people don't put away their shopping carts and leave them haphazardly in the parking lot. That really bugs me.
There are definitely more, but I'm starting to feel negative and that wasn't exactly the point of this entry.
I think my next entry will be things that delight me.
One more thing to add to this post:
15. When pulling up to a stop sign and there's enough room for a car to take 1 lane to wait to turn left and 1 lane for a car to wait to turn right and people who are turning LEFT sit right smack dab in the middle so NOBODY CAN PASS THEM TO TURN RIGHT. Grrr. That really bugs me.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
I noticed it first on Beth's blog and thought she just changed it on her own, but nope. Mine is the same.
I will get to the bottom of this.
I don't know what's up, but I have a feeling it's possibly the site I used to get my template. *sigh* So for now I will stick with this boring old Blogger template. *sigh*
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Seriously - I had no idea there were so many cute things out there for little boys.
It was a great time with delicious yummies - my only regret was not taking some cake home. At the time I felt full and thought better of the idea, but now at 3:30pm on a Sunday afternoon I am wishing I had some cake to munch on. :)
Thanks to Erin who got the Leaf paraphernalia.
Saturday, August 18, 2007
It bothers me when people that I work with (in my organization) always brag or boast about who has the most fun team or the best team or whatever kind of team you want.
You know what? I think every single person who works in this organization is incredible and fun and solid. And I love my team. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. And of course I'm biased toward my team - I've gotten to know these people better than anyone else in this organization.
Someone asked me the other day if Jamie and I would open up a campus some day. I replied that we were open to it, but it would be so hard to leave our team because of the amazing relationships I have formed with each person as well as the amount of laughter and fun we have. All that to say that one day I probably WILL move on to another team, as will all of those other people who are so vehement with their claims that their team is the most fun or the best and then what?
Will they be dissatisfied with their new team? Will there be constant scrutiny for their new team to come under because nothing and no one will ever compare to their old team?
No. Your team is what you make of it. Enjoy it, but know that wherever you go is probably where you are supposed to be and that is the best team FOR YOU.
And that is my Saturday morning rant.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Today during my appointment with my midwife (and intern) she kept saying, "What a smart baby you have" and I am sure she says that to all women, but still. He's already head down and in the right position.
Medical health update:
I don't have gestational diabetes! Phewf. Seriously...so glad about that.
My iron is a bit low so I just need to up my iron intake in my food. No supplements needed at this point.
Other than that...everything else is good. It was my quickest appointment yet! In 25 minutes I think we were in and out.
And I had my most disgusting conversation yet with my midwife today. I won't post it because it was pretty detailed and definitely too much information for the blogosphere to handle...but I appreciated it. I like being able to talk about gross stuff that's happening and know that she's not going to scrunch up her face in disgust and say, "That's disgusting! You are one weird woman."
Even though I am. :D
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
I couldn't resist. The title alone almost had me laughing out loud.
Here's a page I randomly opened to and almost peed my pants. Okay, that's a lie. But I definitely chuckled.
"Dealing with the weight-gain comments"
Them: "Wow! You're huge!"
You: "Oh, gosh, I love it. It's just so liberating not having to conform to society's idea of the perfect woman, for once."
Rationale: A mere suggestion of militant feminism can deter even the most resolute busybody.
Them: "Wow! You're huge!"
You: "Do you think so? Really? Maybe I should stop eating so much."
Rationale: Ostensibly meek, this one will leave your tormentors back peddling furiously, afraid that they have nudged you toward anorexia. If you're never allowed yourself the undeniable satisfaction of being passive-aggressive, this is a great way to start.
Them: "Wow! You're huge!"
You: "Well, there's a baby in there. What did you expect?"
Rationale: You can laugh as you say this and it won't sound too harsh. But nobody will doubt what you mean. And how seriously you mean it.
Them: "Wow! You're huge!"
You: "And you, too! What is it? Ten, twenty pounds?"
Rationale: Of course, this one works only if you know the person, but in the right circumstances it can be very powerful.
Them: "Wow! You're huge!"
You: "Well, my hemorrhoids weigh a couple of pounds each."
Rationale: Any mention of an indelicate condition and vengeance is yours.
So hilariously sarcastic. I can't wait to read the rest of this great book by Kate Hodson. I enjoy people who are blunt and don't beat around the bush. AND are unapologetic about it, too!
Now don't worry if you are one of those people who have told me I am huge or are getting huge or have commented in any way on my general size since getting pregnant. I know you don't mean it in a negative way and usually remind myself of that if I do find myself getting defensive - which...I haven't really. Except when my brother said "Whoa-ho Ginormo". And even then I did giggle because it rhymed.
However, in the future, a pregnant woman ALWAYS loves to hear that she looks amazing. (Even if you ARE lying a little bit.)
Monday, August 13, 2007
So there's a certain someone in my life that watches a certain show - or rather certain showS that I am trying my darndest to boycott. Mainly because my outlook on life and money and dating and relationships is holding me to my values and telling me that if I watch these shows and actually like them, that I'm a hypocrite.
But then isn't watching shows like Friends and Seinfeld where people casually sleep around with others hypocritical of me?
Oooooh....I just don't know. I can feel myself being drawn in, but I must resist. Partially because I am stubborn and don't want to cave for pride's sake...and partially because I don't want to like or be entertained by the shallow lifestyles of such people. And partially because I don't want to hear "aha! I knew you would like this show" from that certain someone - especially after all my comments and head shaking at said certain someone. AND partially because I also don't want to watch this show and get all self-righteous (or maybe I already am) and snotty and make comments that would sound just down right bratty if anyone else said them.
More to come on my imminent caving in...
Saturday, August 11, 2007
I went downtown Guelph today to this funky store called On the Verge to look for a cute wallet I saw when I was there back in February. Unfortunately they were out and won't be getting anymore in until late October. Dang.
So I went next door to the cute maternity/baby store called Babydolls. I found a cute maternity skirt for $10 and as I was paying I noticed they had nursing bras.
So I had to try them on of course.
And I found 2 I really liked! Hoorah! One was stylish AND supportive and the other one was just uber supportive. Which is great. Being stylish is definitely appreciated but mostly unnecessary.
Thank you Bravado Bras! I like you.
So I went in to the lab for the 2nd stage of the testing.
I had to fast overnight (who doesn't fast overnight?) and then go in in the morning to get blood taken. Then drink the orange pop, wait an hour, get my blood taken again, wait another hour and then get my blood taken one final time.
I didn't feel strange or weird or have any of the symptoms they asked me about but I guess that doesn't necessarily mean anything.
I have a midwife appointment on Tuesday so I guess I'll hear all about how things went and what the status is then.
In the meantime...I can't stay away from SUGAR!!!!
Jamie bought this bag of marshmallow bananas for me when we went to the Argos game last night and I can't stop eating them.
It's like crack cocaine.
I put them away on the top shelf of the cupboard. That seems to have curbed my compulsive reaching into the bag and eating them. For now. Eep.
Is it ever there!
Sometimes I forget that all this attention and growth and excuse to buy new clothes is all leading somewhere.
That somewhere would be to having a child.
First labour. Then birth/delivery. (Yowch.) Then I'm a mom.
Sometimes I don't have words to describe how I feel about all of this.
This one is from the Argos game I went to last night.
With cheer leading being so prevalent in the game of football (or throw ball as my good friend likes to call it) I was forced to watch the jostlings and gyrations of the "Blue Thunder" cheerleaders - or are they called the dance pack?
If so that changes the direction of this email.
No matter, for this post's sake let's say they're still called cheerleaders.
Now...the purpose of a cheerleader is to cheer on the team, is it not? If this is so, then why do they spend their down time watching the game and then when it comes to "cheer" they turn around and face the crowd to perform their pseudo-strip tease as if performing for US?
Also...why are they doing all of this right in front of the family zone? For all those happily married dads? For all those happily married moms? The 8 year old boys? For whom exactly are they performing?
Needless to say...I'm not a fan.
I take a tiny bit of pleasure in deleting forwards - especially the ones that say "Do not break this forward or delete it. It has been going for _______(Insert random large number of days here)."
Ok, so I take more than a TINY bit of pleasure. I click that delete button with vigor and zest.
Usually I don't even read forwards so if I were you, I wouldn't send me any forwards.
Down with forwards!
Send me a real email people!
Thursday, August 9, 2007
I've been reading/skimming Sex God by Rob Bell. Now before you all get up in my face about what a heretic he is (sometimes) and how full of crap his books are (usually) let me defend myself. Basically I'm just reading it to see what it's about and be prepared in case I meet other Christians who've read it and haven't seen anything wrong with it - already I've found a few things, but that's not actually what this post is about.
So I had a few hours to kill at the doctor's office (long blood test thingy) so I skimmed a few chapters. In chapter 6 called Worth Dying For, Bell talks about how we don't need a significant other to find our worth and specifically on a few pages he addresses how women tend to give themselves away to guys who aren't willing to give THEMselves away. Here's what I liked:
Your worth does not come from your body, your mind, your work, what you produce, what you put out, how much money you make. Your worth does not come from whether or not you have a man. Your worth does not come from whether or not men notice you. You have an inestimable worth that comes from your creator.
If you're dating someone, what kind of man is he? Does he demonstrate that he's the kind of man who would die for you? What is his posture toward the world? Does he serve, or is he waiting to be served? Does he believe that he's owed something, that he's been shortchanged, that he's gotten the short end of the stick, that life owes him something? Or is he out to see what he can give? Does he see himself as being here to make the world a better place?
These are the big questions that you need to ask yourself.
"When a woman is loved well, she opens up like a flower." What does he expect of you? Does he expect you to sleep with him when he hasn't committed to you forever? Does he want all of you without his having to give all of him?
Can you tell him anything? Is he safe? Can he be trusted? Can you open up to him, allowing yourself to be vulnerable, knowing that he will protect, not exploit that vulnerability?
Are you opening up like a flower?
Perhaps this is why the text (here Bell is referring to Ephesians 5:25) talks about the man dying for the woman. This can be terrifying for a man. Committing to a woman for life is going to demand courage, fidelity, and strength he may not know he has. This is why some men take such pride in their sexual conquests. They're desperately running from their fear that they don't have what it takes to lay down their lives for a woman. Sleeping with lots of women gives them the feeling of being a man without actually having to be one.
Wow. I hope every woman who is dating someone will read those questions and honestly ask themselves those things about the man they are dating.
They are big questions. The answers might be scary and actually require some action. But I think they are worth asking. Better to have a period of hurt and frustration than a life of misery and loneliness. Or maybe even just a life that's "okay" instead of amazing or exciting or fulfilling or satisfying to the very depths of your soul (and those can be found whether you are with someone or not).
I think they are even worth asking to ourselves.
Do I serve or am I looking to be served?
Am I out to see what I can give or am I looking for a handout?
What can I contribute to society?
Are people released and inspired to be more loving, adventurous, patient, kind and caring because of being around me?
Am I the kind of woman who would attract that kind of man?
Obviously I am not looking to actually attract men...but I think my point is clear.
Anyway, there's lots of crap and fluff in Rob Bell's book, Sex God, but on this point I am applauding his willingness to speak tender but truthful love into women's lives and challenge and rebuke those men who are taking that which they are not willing to give.
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
It was fun to read and identify with a lot of what she went through - although some of it I haven't gone through yet and some of it I probably won't go through. Anyway...I thought I would contrast her "doctor's visits" in comparison with my midwife appointments. I was shocked at the crappy care you get (or at least she did) prenatally.
Here is her account of her appointments:
I think I have mastered the doctor visit “routine”—arrive a couple minutes early; take a seat in the waiting room and pretend to look at a magazine; have your name called so that the nurse can weigh you and record it on some secret chart; head to the examination room and don the doctor’s outfit of choice for patients—a large paper napkin; wait in the examination room while studying all of the sharp-looking instruments lining the counter; do some more waiting while contemplating what a little redecorating might do for the surroundings; wait still longer trying not to watch the second hand on the clock; jolting awake as the doctor flies into the room, pushes on your belly, listens to your baby’s heart beat with her special radar device, and disappears as quickly as she came; then stumble back out to the waiting room and wait for the receptionist as she eagerly books your next “visit.” Yeah!
In contrast here are what my appointments are like:
- arrive a couple minutes early (or late depending on the day) and let the receptionist know I'm here.
- step into the washroom to weigh myself and pee on the stick that is supposed to tell you something if it turns a different colour (so far so good!).
- within a couple minutes one of my midwives (I have 2 that I rotate between) will come out and say hi and we'll all go into her office.
- the appointment begins: she asks how I'm doing, how my vacation (or work, or travelling) has been and then asks if I have any questions (sometimes I do, often I don't).
- she'll talk about different things depending on how far along I am (ie. where we'll have birth, different tests that are available, etc.) and usually give me some pamphlets to read or paperwork to fill out and bring back for the next appointment
- then she'll check my blood pressure, usually offer to let me hear the baby's heartbeat on the doppler or with the stethoscope and then measure my belly growth and feel around for the baby (last time we got to feel a leg!)
- then we might chat for a few more minutes and all in all the appointments usually last 45 minutes to an hour.
I also re-did my gestational diabetes screening test. Still high. *sigh*
So now I have to go back and do the test where I have to fast and then they take my blood 2 or 3 times I think. Sick. So that stinks. I need to stop eating so much sugar I think. My sweet tooth has been indulged quite a bit, I must admit.
And now for a rant: *disclaimer to any male reading this - discussion about bras and fitting will commence now - read at your own risk*
How hard is it to make a supportive, well-fitting nursing bra? Apparently pretty hard. I tried on all of the nursing bras I could find at Sears today (which was maybe 4 different styles). I eventually settled on one style (after trying on several different sizes both cup and band) but still am unimpressed with the ugliness of how they make breasts look (obviously not the one I bought or else I wouldn't have paid money for it - but still...it fell short of my normal bras)! Seriously...do I really want 2 mini torpedoes on my chest? Isn't it enough that I will have a jelly belly and healing "down there" to do? The least the bra manufacturers could do is give a girl some support and proper shape!
So if any of you women out there know of a well-fitting, supportive nursing bra, please email me and tell me where to find it! (And none of this online purchasing - how can I know if it fits if I can't try it on?!)
But other than that...things are great! I still need to figure out when I'll start taking my maternity leave.
Monday, August 6, 2007
I need to confess - I have/had a huge fear of driving tests. Which is why I didn't get my G licence until 3 days ago. I got a notice in the mail saying that my licence would expire in January and I needed to complete my G test before then. So I booked a test for the next day in Kitchener.
And I passed!
But before the jubilation and unbridled joy, I felt sick to my stomach, nervous, and I was definitely dreading taking this test. The reason is because in the past I have failed other driving tests. However, as my husband points out, this was because I didn't drive frequently and wasn't confident in what I was doing - so I failed. And probably rightly so.
Also...being pregnant I think helped my case.
And believe it or not, having no power steering got me out of backing into a parking spot (because I had previously cranked that wheel to do a 3 point turn and the instructor laughed out loud at me - "I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with you." and then said he wouldn't make me do that again). All in all, an easy test and I'm so glad that is over with.
No more driving tests until I'm like...70 or something. Woot!